I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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