She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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