There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
