She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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