i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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