Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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