I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
