I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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