MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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