So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
