i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
