This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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