chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
