ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
