he shaved USA in his pubs
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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