It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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