How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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