My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
