happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
