and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's like heaven, but drunker
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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