Swine flu. Run for my life!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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