Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
