never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
