My Higher Power is John Stamos
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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