dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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