She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
