I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
