You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
