I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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