I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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