it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
