I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
