i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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