WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
