Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
