I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
