just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
