sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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