This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
