I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
