I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
