Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
