found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
