It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
