Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
