I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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