I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
