And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
