Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
