Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
