I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was like eating out sand paper
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
