you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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